I began my relationship with God as a very young child and, as such, it was a simple innocent relationship. God was good, the devil was bad and in order to get to Heaven I had to be good. The church I attended was the First Molokon Church in San Francisco that was founded by my grandparents and many other immigrants from Tsarist Russia that settled on Potrero Hill in the early 20th century. I have fond memories of going to Sunday school and attending the smaller classes with my friends from the neighborhood. My father, who was raised in a Catholic orphanage during the Great Depression, also wanted me to attend St. Peter’s Church in San Francisco, but I mostly attended the Molokon church and I identified as a Protestant. After my parents moved to Daly City, at the age of 8, I attended a Lutheran church with my cousin.
Religion always fascinated me. But so did history, science and dinosaurs. After my parents divorced, at the age of 9, I began attending the Vista Grande church on Vista Grande Avenue in Daly City on my own without either of my parents because it was close to our house. I’m not sure what denomination it was but it was Protestant. Soon they asked me to attend Sunday school where they taught the Creation story. I brought up the dinosaurs and was immediately surrounded by elders and taken aside to discuss dinosaurs and evolution. That was the last time I attended church until I was 17. I always believed in evolution and still do. However, I still identified as a protestant which put me somewhat at odds with my now predominantly Catholic friends in Daly City.
Besides church, I also was influenced by Hollywood films of the time which included The Ten Commandments, Ben Hur, King of Kings and The Greatest Story Ever Told, The Robe and others. Simultaneously there were mythological movies that also influenced my like the Hercules series with Steve Reeves, Jason and the Argonauts and Sinbad the Sailor. So I would read mythology books by Edith Hamilton and others. I remember reading about the Trojan War and Odysseus as an adolescent. This led me to read about ancient history which led me to read about archaeology. I also became interested in the history of the 2 World Wars and from there I studied some European history and Russian history. I found that the role of the Church in European history was rarely Christ like and often sided with the rich and powerful against the lower classes and often served as an oppressor. That confused me. I also continued to read about dinosaurs and evolution and astronomy. I thought I would be an archaeologist or paleontologist at this point in my life. I kept reading this stuff through the 10th grade in high school until my mother remarried and we left Daly City and moved across The Bay to Alameda.
In Alameda, I concentrated on being popular, so I wasn’t so focused on religion or history as I was with getting in with the in crowd. I was semi successful through my junior year. The following summer, I found myself in the Haight Ashbury during the Summer of Love. I was immediately impressed by the art, culture, free exchange of ideas, including religion and politics. The religious discussions were mostly regarding Eastern religions, a lot of mysticism, astrology and anything that was considered non main stream. After the Summer of Love was over, I was now a senior and a new clique of hippies had been created where I fit it and felt quite popular. Any talk of religion was pretty much folks just expressing what they thought and any constraints of any formal religion were not considered nor respected. I spent my senior year attending rock concerts in San Francisco and partying like a teenager. Without any plan for my future upon graduation, I traveled around California and Oregon where, at the end of the summer of 1968 I found myself in Portland at a Jesus Freak commune.
I never heard of Jesus Freaks until then. I was surprised at hippies being Christian having been fed a steady diet of Eastern religion and astrology the last year. I was fascinated with their speaking in tongues. They preached the Gospel through the Book of Revelation, but only with the New Jerusalem, not the Lake of Fire and judgement day. They spoke of healing and forgiveness of sins. It was very positive. One night, while praying with them I received the Holy Spirit and began to speak in tongues. Soon, the next weekend, I was baptized in the Columbia River. As time went on, I learned from them that a devil existed. I also learned that evolution wasn’t true. That always bothered me because evolution made so much sense. I also learned that other religions weren’t as valid as Christianity. That also bothered me because I always felt that one’s religion was often related to one’s culture which was often determined by where one lived or where one’s family came from. But I took things in stride. They said read the Bible and pray. So I got a job, gave them my paycheck, and spent my free time praying, reading the Bible and working. I would read the New Testament straight through, the first of many times. Soon many people left the commune as things became strict. Everything was a sin yet the Bible says we have liberty and are not under the Law of Moses, but the law of the commune got stricter. I actually cursed God for me being baptized because I felt so oppressed. One small sin was backsliding and headed for eternal damnation, or so I was taught and thought.
We moved to a big old Victorian in North Portland. One night I was taking a walk and found a black Gospel church that was speaking in tongues but also played cool music. They accepted me and the pastor was our mail man, so we recognized each other. He said to bring my commune people Friday night because some special preacher was coming up from Los Angeles. We attended and to everyone’s surprise, the preacher focused on long male hair and women wearing pants from our group. I had long hair the previous night, but it didn’t matter, except to this preacher from LA. It was a disaster and my commune people became sanctimonious over the music and “holy roller” nature of the church. The pastor of the church and I apologized. He didn’t expect the preacher to come across like that. That was the last time we attended church together. So after less than 3 months I left and returned to the Bay Area to live with my now single mom who divorced my step dad.
While away from Alameda, I did send letters back home telling folks about my conversion. Some ridiculed, others were curious and a few were also Christians. I was introduced to a local disk jockey who knew of a teacher in Ohio. To my surprise four of us, 2 from Alameda and 2 from Marin County were flown back to New Knoxville Ohio where we were introduced to Dr. Victor P. Wierwille of The Way, Inc. and took the Power for Abundant Living class there. Although there was a lot of controversy later on with The Way after I left, I was only involved for about 18 months from 1969 to mid-1970. I was fascinated in the techniques used to analyze the Bible and their teaching that the Word of God is the Will of God. It was at this point that I learned that the Bible is the final authority to determine God’s Will. However, it became apparent that the fact the Gospel teachings were actually sold by The Way, something the Peter says should not be done when Simon the Sorcerer offered money (Acts 8:9-25), that the organization corrupt and becoming elitist. Ironically I left the organization when I moved to Lake Tahoe with my current wife to take a job because I didn’t have any money and couldn’t participate in all their activities. But now I knew how to read the Bible and understand its various messages to the various audiences that the Bible was intended for although I know longer believe in the strict dispensationalism that The Way practiced. It seemed to me that all churches and organized religion became corrupt sooner or later.
During the 1970s I married and began a career and started to raise a family. In the early 1970s my wife and I attended various churches and became disillusioned with all of them as they were demanding of our personal time and money. However, upon reading “The Late Great Planet Earth”, I continued reading the Bible looking for inspiration. But by the end of the 1970s, I gave up on Christianity, or pretended to and proclaimed myself a devout pagan. We took a 25 day trip to Greece in 1980. Later, I was shocked to hear that Jerry Falwell and the “Moral Majority” backed Reagan, a divorcee, over Carter, a real Christian, over abortion. I knew Jesus said it would be good for Judas if he was not born (aborted) in Mark 14:21. I found the Moral Majority supporting public prayer in violation of Matthew 6:5-6 to be an obvious hypocrisy. The fact that the Moral Majority accepted quick conversions, like Bush switching his position on abortion to become Reagan’s VP blatant shallow hypocrisy in clear violation of Luke 12:1 which says: “first of all, Beware ye of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy”. The Moral Majority clearly traded Jesus’ Teachings in for satanic worldly power. It seems the entire Fundamentalist movement was going along with it. The Bible was ignored and blasphemy was preached as gospel. Isn’t that what Revelation warns against: False prophets worshipping political leaders? It would only get worse as time went on. I maintained Greek mythology was as valid as the Bible or Quran. Why not? I was a devout pagan, I told everyone. It suited my new embrace of the Libertarian Party after reading a book called “Restoring the American Dream” by Robert Ringer. I would vote Libertarian until 2012.
Through the 1980s I continued calling myself a devout pagan or an agnostic. I continued to be frustrated with the Moral Majority and their pro-life movement and their opposition to legalizing drugs despite their claim for limited government. They didn’t align with my libertarian views. I was completely turned off to the entire Fundamentalist or Evangelical movement. In the early 1990s I studied with the Jehovah’s Witnesses, who thought they would convert me since we agreed on the doctrine of no Trinity. I told them “no, I’m not a joiner of churches” but I would study the Bible. So we studied together and I learned some more things I hadn’t considered before but they still clung to 1914 and I believed in the Late Great Planet Earth theory. Finally, I took a contract away from home and had to end the study with the Jehovah’s Witnesses after over 2 years of weekly meetings at my home.
It was while I was away on that contract that someone handed me some pro-choice verses regarding abortion including Job 10:19. Soon, starting in the mid to late 1990s, I began debating abortion and other Biblical issues on the internet. The agnostics and unbelievers considered me a religious nut and some would be annoyed at my using the Bible to support what they claimed was their pro-choice and other libertarian social positions, including gay rights and drug legalization. The self- proclaimed Christians, claimed I was an atheist plant. In fact, as I debated the Bible, and somehow always found the verses I needed to win the argument, I became more of a believer in the Bible. In fact it was during this time that I finally understood Paul in Romans 7:14-8:1 and how grace works and that I would never fall for false accusations from hypocrites and those who lied and pretend to believe in the Bible again. I then further understood what the Image of God was, the Word and Holy Spirit and more subtle spiritual things. I was finally enlightened and proclaimed I understood and believed the Bible in this one online discussion group on religion I was a member of. And then a self-proclaimed Satanist, Octavius, says to me: “You’re a reasonable fellow. Do you really believe Jesus was raised from the dead?”
That question, from Octavius, struck me. I could never intellectually justify being raised from the dead. But Romans 10:9 says “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” Therefore, I have to believe in my heart, not my mind, and I know I believe in my heart because I pray in the Name of Jesus. Do I really believe in Jesus? I try to obey His Teachings. When Jerry Falwell Sr. was asked by an audience member on Phil Donahue just before he died why Rev. Falwell was so obviously showing that he was praying in public at restaurants despite Jesus’ teaching not to do so in Matthew 6:5-6, Falwell responded angrily: “I don’t care!” and said he will never be afraid to show his faith in God. He said that he didn’t care what Jesus said. I do care what Jesus said. I don’t know if Rev. Falwell asked for forgiveness for claiming not to care about what Jesus teaches on national TV before he died. But I do care about what Jesus says and what the Bible says and I do defend what they say despite the constant lies and blasphemies from the Evangelical and other churches. So I do correct them when given the opportunity.
So that is how I came to believe as I do. Philosophically, I try to practice the teachings of Jesus to get through life. But I also do not reject the teachings of others. I hope to have some interesting things to say about history, religion and politics as I write additional articles. My first article is the one on Regarding the Trinity. I hope you enjoy it.
So you do believe in the bible and god then. I believe everyone will have thier own prespective when they read the bible and form thier own beliefs.
I also think the bible was written so we have a set of rules and not chaos, which back then would be the bible. Even in the bible it says once we took the fruit of knowledge we learned the difference between bad and good which brought laws and morality to us humans.